Be the BEST!

Online Friends - Reality Check

2012-03-02T19:13:00.000-08:00

Why do we need friends?

Pic by my friend Sanjay Malik used with his permission

The most obvious answer is because we are social animals, and we need to connect, and share. We like people around us to enjoy a joke with ... or just to make the journey worthwhile.

We have family... and Ethel Watts gave an interesting insight when she said...

'God gave us our relatives. Thank God we can choose our friends."

I would say...

We are blessed with...

A family to Love for a lifetime....
Numerous acquaintances to interact with, and learn from...
A few well chosen friends to Cherish and journey with.

However.. a few incidents in the past have shaken me up. Read on, and check whether it is time, to redefine 'Friends'.

A person (lets call this person X) was in severe depression, and had come to me for counselling. In a few sessions, the person had dramatically changed. X had overcome the depression and was seeking a new start in life. X even sent me a friend request on Facebook. I accepted, as I did not want the person to think that they were being rejected by me.

Everything was going well, until I got a call from a friend (Y), stating that X has created a problem in their company. On probing I found out that Y had tried to help X get a job, and when X had not been given the job, X had insulted and abused the HR head in Y's company.
Y was livid, and blamed me for what X had done. On asking why Y had helped X without checking with me first, I was told that since X was on my friend list, Y didn't mind helping X.

The assumption was "If X is a friend of Ian, then X must be a good person".
I got similar calls from other friends, and then realized that X being on my friend list, was a clear LIABILITY for ME. I also realized the power of Association, and the value that people attach to a 'friend'.

Here are some of the general tenets of friendship that may in some way shape the meaning of FRIEND:

1. You are judged by the company you keep.
2. Birds of a feather, flock together.
3. We are the average of the 6 people we spend the maximum time with.
4. A friend in need is a friend indeed.

On a Google search, many quotes appear on Friends or Friendship. However, while in real life we are careful about who really becomes a friend. We are guarded about who enters that sanctum sanctorum of friendship, why is it that we do not apply the same stringency on social networking sites?

Do we ACCEPT a friend request because:

The person looks decent... ? Has a great profile?
Are you aware that profile pics and aliases could be faked? Do a search on FB and you will find a few fake aliases for my daughter Nicole Faria. We have a few sick minds that for reasons best known to them they want to impersonate a kind young lady like Nicole.

We feel safe and guarded or safe because we can always UNFRIEND them easily?
Are you aware that like my friend X... there are some people who will not hesitate to exploit your real friends?
How would you feel if one of your genuine/true friends fell in love with someone on your FB friend list, and you really do not know that person?

Everything is just surface level and we have full control over the level of the interaction?
Really? Are you aware that you do not even know the kind of things that can go wrong with people with evil intent? Are you aware that paedophiles become friends with unsuspecting teenagers by using a photo of a teenager?

There are a lot of COMMON FRIENDS ?
All a person with evil intent has to do is to befriend ONE person... and then use the grapevine to make one unsuspecting friend after another, and soon the person will be friends with many more... and the problems start there...

It is time to Re-look at your friend list, keep your real friends on board, and and remove people who you do not know personally. Last year I removed 1600 people... and it looks like it is time again.. to do spring cleaning of my friend list. On the Game Changers Forum.. the theme this month is Consolidating Networks. More about this in my next blog.

Do please realize that .....

It is more important to be safe, and ensure the safety of your true friends, than to worry about what some new 'friend' on Facebook feels when you UNFRIEND them.

Better to be SAFE than SORRY.
Better to ENJOY than to WORRY.

Ian Faria.

A Happy Family - Real not Virtual

2012-02-24T01:14:00.000-08:00

Have you thought seriously about your relationships... specially the KEY RELATIONSHIPS in your Life?

That's my family - wife Anita and kids Nicole and Craig

This sharing is inspired by a very kind person, who called me 'Brother' recently.

Wow.... was my first reaction.

But then... I dwelt on if for a moment.

Here is a person who I know... only from the interaction on a Social Networking Site. Yes.. we do interact a lot, but not really enough to even use the word 'Friend' freely enough. I have seen a lot happen over the internet. A couple dispute I handled recently started over the internet. The young people decided to marry each other, without even meeting face to face. I was astonished at the reality of it. I was appalled that people could fall in love without meeting. But that is a far greater relationship. Here I am only speaking about being a Brother, and I find that too hard to comprehend.

For me brother/sister has a lot deeper in meaning... so I am not sure how to respond to this. On the one hand one feels valued and validated. I appreciate the other persons sentiments. However for me... the word FRIEND itself already has a great meaning. I really do not feel comfortable making someone a FRIEND on Facebook of someone I have even met just once or twice. I see that FB has now got a sub category that you can put your 'friends' into and it is called ACQUAINTANCE. I think that is the right word for people who you meet on Facebook.

If I call someone a friend it means a lot... I have brothers and sisters who are my blood relatives. I remember, even girls in school... who used to tie a Rakhi (a wrist band signifying the love of a sister for a brother) and I used to think 'How can they make someone a 'brother' ? Some of those so called sister-brother relationships became something else, and I do not want to go there. But even without that, maybe I am a little conservative and old world on this, For me, words have a lot of meaning. For example how can we say we LOVE someone... whom we hardly know?

In some of the Self Development Programmes I conduct, I suggest that we relate to others in a simple, logical flow...

Love for self is primary, and sacrosanct. If you do not love and relate well with yourself first, then all the other relationships are dependencies.
Next comes how we relate to and love the Family. One should love the people that we have been destined to share a life time with. Otherwise... it really makes the other relationships shallow, and substitutional. Now I am not for a moment suggesting that things need to be hunky dory at home... but still... if we cannot love family in spite of differences... then how can we profess to love people over a few interactions on Facebook or Myspace?
The third level of connections - we relate to friends, and some of them we have known from childhood.
Finally we relate to colleagues - some of whom will become our friends and some who will just be acquaintances.
After that... we have country and world (including Social Network Connections).

(The connection with God is a personal equation that I do not advise on..as I am not competent. So you decide where God/The Universe fits into your relationships ).

So relationships on the internet are fraught with danger... and I strongly advise people not to get carried away with people being nice to you. Keep your antennae open to those who ask to become your friend... and be wary of such relationships.

So I really APPRECIATE someone calling me Brother, and I am humbled... but ...

I AM NOT READY for a new BROTHER before I have done justice to my real brother (who is a really super guy... by the way).

I also advise people against getting too close on a mail connect... because

Just over posts or chats in the VIRTUAL world ...
I DO NOT BELIEVE we can have a REAL relationship.

In the Bible... there is a quote... if you do not love your neighbour whom you see... how can you love God whom you don't see? I am nor professing religion here... but I am sharing this as a tremendous tenet that we can all use as a learning.

So my quote on this...

Before you invite or adopt into your family,
the people on the NET ... you've recently MET

Love the family you were born or married into ...
That's a Better SET... and a far SAFER BET.

Yes, we should endeavour to all make acquaintances into friends... when we have known each other long enough. Someday we may or we can strive for a deeper, better friendship.

Till then be careful and please be wary.
Its far Better to be safe, than to be sorry.

The internet connects us to people we don't know,
Its nice to learn from them, and thru that we'll grow.
But then to call them Friend or Brother, or Sister,
Is it appropriate? Or is it strange, or even sinister?

If you need to, love the ones around you for they are real.
They not avatars who are unknown, virtual nor even surreal.

HAPePY Life !

Ian Faria.

What is LOVE?

2012-02-15T08:02:00.000-08:00

Valentines day has just gone by, and as usual, it brought aflood of Happy Valentine’s greetings. Personally, each of us would have done somethingfor the people we love. One of my friends presented his wife with a ring whilesome of us couples were half way through dinner. The men folk chided him forputting them in the ‘soup’ and the poor guy even took us for ice cream to makeup for it. But I really appreciated the man for being a real Valentine.

Another friend I spoke to – a young lady about 25 years old –said that she did not even get one wish for Valentines. I was thinking... Whata shame... such a smart lady... doing well in her career, speaks well, looksgood... what is happening here?

I am not really going into the meaning of the festival thatgrips millions of people across the globe. Roses are sold by the millions atastronomical prices. Different coloured roses mean different things. People buy gifts and chocolate as though it was going outof style.

It makes me wonder... What is this ONE DAY going to do inthe lives of the people around us? Psychologically, it is a form ofreinforcement, but if that creates a habit of “Its not yet Valentines Day” or “Youwill have to wait for next Valentines.” Then forgive me for saying so... but weseem to have missed the whole point. Which brings me to a key question...

What is LOVE?

Why does it rule our lives?

People who do not have Love, fall apart. Their lives becomemeaningless, and they lose their motivation even at work. Further, not havinglove in our lives is being bereft of the emotion that keeps us energized.It may even cause us to lose our health.

Here is a poetic representation on what I think LOVE is:

Love is not a game to be played,

Nor is it a commodity to trade.

Love is two voices singing as one,

Its the essence of life - its a lot of fun.

Its not just the chocolaten roses,

Nor clicking pics in various poses.

Its about ‘give’, Its not about ‘take’,

Its very real. It can never be fake.

Why send a message on a Hallmark card,

Speak freely, no needto be on guard.

Love is a many splendoured thing,

With trust n respect, see the joy it’ll bring.

Its not about the rhythm or the rhyme,

Its not even about always being on time.

Love is knowing the other is only thine,

It a piece of heaven. Its really sublime.

Love is easier to experience than to describe... so for anyone who has not experienced it, my request is to do so... and soon. For those who have loved and lost... its time to LOVE AGAIN.

Valentines Day is not where Love ends.
Its where love starts growing again.

All the best,

Ian.

Habits - Make or Break us

2012-02-12T06:28:00.000-08:00

Whitney Houston, one of the most loved and enormously talented female singers on the planet, died today, at the age of 48. The world is shocked. What was the cause of her death? Well, we will know that soon. Check this link and you will see that we have lost some amazing celebrities who did not look after themselves.

But, what boggles is some of the biggest names in the music world died of some overdose or the other. Michael Jackson too was suspected of dying of a drug overdose.

Amy Winehouse too had died at the young age of 27, of alcohol abuse.

Here are some who died of drug or alcohol abuse:

Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley, Anna Nicole Smith... and the list goes on and on.

We have lost some of the most celebrated people on the planet many in their prime, and this is a truly worrying factor. Why is it that those who have scaled great heights then throw it away?

Is is because they:

Let themselves go after reaching the top?

Think they are immortal, since power and fame is heady?

They feel that they have done their bit for the planet, and do not need to do more?

Whatever the reason, the bottom line is ... we are all mortal, and if we do not know how to respect the power of life, then it will be taken away from us. For a world where living to 100 is becoming the norm, and children being born today are expected to live beyond the century mark, should we not look after our health?

I think we should, and all that will start when we KNOW that LIFE is a gift, and that we should HONOUR and RESPECT it.

Respect Life. Love Health. Live Strong.

Ian Faria.

Life is Uncertain - Make the Most of it

2012-02-11T11:41:00.000-08:00

Food is such an intrinsic part of our lives, and eating out is one of Bangalore's favourite pastimes. We often eat at a super restaurant at Jayanagar (Bangalore, India) called 'Athityam'. This is a fabulous restaurant, built with so much love. It is tastefully decorated, well lit, and has an aesthetic appeal to it. It even boasts of a few paintings from a talented Indian artist called Kalyan Rathore. This restaurant is famous for its South Indian food, that has a wide choice dishes. We have experimented with many, and we often argue amongst ourselves about which dish is tastier.

A little more than a week ago we saw the owner ... sitting quietly at a table, and focused on his meal. He seemed a young man - preoccupied, yet gently overseeing things. I wanted to go up to him and congratulate him for his fabulous restaurant and for the excellent food. But... since we were in a large group, and there was so much of fun all around, I thought I would meet him some other time.

A few days later, we were again at the same restaurant, since we wanted to have a quick meal. The restaurant seemed a little low on energy, and almost in response to the unasked question in my mind, one of our friends stated that the owner - Arjun Devatha, was in serious condition and in Intensive Care. His condition was critical. We even learned that just a few hours after we last saw him... he was admitted to the hospital because of a seizure. What was even more shocking was that even though the doctors had done whatever they could, the prognosis for Arjun, was very poor.

A million thoughts ran through my mind .... but I kept revisiting a regret. Why did I not meet him the last time I saw him?
Was I being pushed to meet him by the universe, and I ignored the signs? What is it about life... that we do not see?
Was he wanting to talk to someone... and I picked up the vibe and .... I did not respond????

We ate our food that night... but I was not making the most of the tasty food. Something inside of me felt strange. I had missed an opportunity. Or ... was it guilt... that we were enjoying the food while the one who had created the facility... Arjun... was lying in a coma... with a very small chance of survival?
Was it the fear, that such a tragedy that could befall any of us?
What are the signs? Why do we sometimes see things at the last minute?

This morning I got a call from my friend... who told me that the young man called Arjun Devatha was no more, and Today was his funeral.

A 31 year old was snatched off the face of this earth - in his prime - WITHOUT WARNING!!!

What a tragedy. What a nasty turn of events. How uncertain is life???

My heart goes out to Arjun's grieving family, and May his soul rest in peace!

Is there a lesson we can draw from this unfortunate turn of events?

If this is the way life twists and turns, when the inevitable happens.... Will we be able to face it... and understand it... and contend with it??? We know that the Day of Reckoning will come for each of us. But, in some sinister way, we think that it will not happen to us. The question is... IF IT DOES HAPPEN... How will we face it ?
How will our families handle it? Are we at peace with our world? Are we ready to GO?

Life is uncertain... and it is best lived positive... with goodness... and with kindness to friends and family...
We know that our time will come... and we hope that we may have some time, to come to terms with it. So Mr Grim Reaper, or the feared Yama (the lord of death in the Indian Sub continent) do give us fair warning.. so we will have time to close out our issues, say our goodbyes, or repair our tattered relationships.

But, on the other hand, lets just live life fairly, so that we have only friends... and no enemies.
Lets do more, so that those who do not have... may benefit.
Lets reach out and connect to people, because their lives too hang by a silken thread....

So ....
Lets be nice... instead of right.
Lets look at what's good, and what is bright.
Lets work hard all day and lets enjoy the night.

Let's celebrate each day.

Lets Live fully... and always be ready .... To Die well!

Farewell Arjun!

I missed the chance to know you. But from my lesson, I know that I will reach out when whenever I get the vibe to do so.

Reach out... for we know not ... when we'll fade out !

Ian Faria.

Communicate with POWER - Understand

2012-02-02T13:38:00.000-08:00

Most of us communicate to let others know what WE THINK...or ... how WE FEEL.

Similarly... theytoo speak to us, to let us know how THEY feel... or what they believe.

In the process of impressing others about who WE are, we fail to understand them and so we end up with misunderstandings. But thatis only a very small part of communicating.... the main part is to be able torelate to each other - in a way that ismutually beneficial.

Successful communicators, know, that communication ispowerful when it gets the desired results. Results are achieved when:

We know who we are dealing with,and
We know what THEY WANT.

Since each of us is different, one size does not fit all.

How do we know more about the OTHER?

Listen - to understand. Ask questions, whenin doubt... and clarify what You 'know'. Here are the main things we need tofind out about the other...

1. What type of person is he/she?

Motivated/Depressed,Helpful/Selfish, Articulate/ non-commun icative, Confident/shy...
kind/rude...hardworking/lazy... etc.

2. What MOTIVATES them?
Money, power, position, rewards...etc.

3. What do they NEED?

Love, Understanding, Options,Kindness, Respect, Trust, Money, Help... etc.

4. What could YOU GIVE them, that they would appreciate?

(Charity begins at home... we cannot give what we do not have. So first, lookafter yourself...
only then can you afford to spare something for others).

5. What is the best way to LIFT THEM up?

Can you encourage,enable, enhance or empower them?

Spend time to understanding who you are dealing with. Remember, everyoneis NOT like us. We bracket people on the basis of who we are. So, giving themwhat WE think that THEY need, may not really be giving them what they need. This will only work, if the other person is LIKE US. Unfortunately, a cat likes fish; a dog likes meat/bones; a rabbit will go for carrots. Each of usis a certain type of 'animal' with a certain type of mindset. So my needs, maynot be your needs.

Through the questions above, we learn what motivates others, and we know what they need.

The best way to get agreement, is to discuss and decide onlywhat you think they will agree to. (Do NOT try to convince, confuseor con them) In this way we ...

Get agreement from them only based on whatthey are willing to do.. say... or agree to.
Save time trying to bring others to our lineof thinking.
Build better bonds... each of us would emerge out ofevery interaction as a winner.
Live happy... because there is rapport and mutual trust.... andmost of all,
There is UNDERSTANDING (that came fromlistening).

Since this is a reciprocal universe, when we give something... we also get something. Why wait for the returns to come to you. Itwill... when it has to ... from whichever source it is meant to come to you.

Life is great. Enjoy it.

IAN FARIA.

Explore New Horizons

2012-01-16T07:35:00.000-08:00

There was a time when people thought that the world was flat.It was believed that anyone who sailed too far out into the ocean, would falloff the edge and be lost forever. Yet, there were a few brave adventurers likeVasco da Gama, Columbus and Magellan who ventured out into the open sea, lookingfor paradise on some unknown shore. Theywere not even sure whether they would return. They did not have propernavigation aids... and moreover, they did not even have charts (maps) for theroutes they were endeavouring to use. So they were virtually going out guided onlyby a belief in their abilities as sailors and the desire to discover something.All they had ... was a hope, a prayerand courage. Yet, they ventured on... and they reached destinations that they couldnever have imagined. Each of them got rewarded for their efforts, and each ofthem sealed a place for themselves in history. These pioneers had one thing incommon... they were Exploring New Horizons.

How can we Explore New Horizons?

We can do so by discovering and doing things that will give us moreoptions. Lets explore some possibilities that will enable us to explore newhorizons:

Knowledge

Education is one of the easiest ways to expand our horizon. Whether we venture into a technical area, or a management function, by learning a new subject, we expand our knowledge of the subject, and hence we create a new option or even a new path.
Reading books, magazines, or online content. The amount of information available today is phenomenal. We have unlimited avenues to grow our knowledge bank.
Training Programmes are a practical way to enhance learning in a short span of time, and it give us deeper insights than what we can expect from a book. A good training programme can be life changing. An average programme should give us insights that will surely be a value add to some part of our lives.

Skills

The best area to develop skills is where we already have reasonable strength. The speed at which the world is progressing, forces us to continually upgrade our skills and keep abreast of the latest techniques/technologies available.
Another way to develop skills is to learn a complementary skill. For example – A teacher can learn how to use the internet to add a new dimension to teaching online. A surgeon can add the use of laser surgery and even go into micro surgery.
Identify your hidden abilities... and develop and exploit these. A good friend or a coach could see things that we may sometimes miss. Soon the hidden abilities could become skills that we can use to great advantage. Speaking well in public is a skill that can be developed quickly, and this skill will make us stand apart from the others around us.

Travel

Seeing new places gives us a first hand experience of how other cities/countries manage and shape themselves. Further, when we travel to countries renowned for our area of expertise, we also gain some professional touch points for learning.
When we understand the different cultures across the globe it helps us in expanding our cultural wisdom and also helps us when we may need to deal with people from other cultures.

Network

Friends - By far the best way to Explorenew horizons is to look at collaborating with known people. In our circle offriends or business connections there are people whom we may have forgotten.Just going through our card selectors from time to time will help us rememberwhere people are positioned and how they can be of some use to you.

Groups – Social, or social service oriented groups like Rotary and Round Table are great places to network. Business networking groups such as BNI or YPO are also focused on credible networking. Learning Groups such as Jaycees or Toastmasters or the Game Changers Forum (Bangalore based peer-to-peer learning forum) not only help to add to our skills but also help to know people better, and this in turn expands our horizon.

New Activity

Get fit – we can join a gym, aerobics/martial arts/ yoga/dance or any other similar activity, and fitness will enable us to build confidence and self image. This in turn will open up new horizons.
Start a success group. All we need is 8 to 10 likeminded people who want to work together and we can enable and motivate each other to pursue personal goals.
New programmes We should attend programmes that we do not normally attend – plays, dramas, rock concerts. Generally we should do things that are not our first choice. Unless we explore our drives and passions, we will not really be able to figure out all our available choices.
Take a one month challenge – explore what things control us. We need to give these up for a month. For example

Giving up a food item that we normally eat everyday (a cereal, or staple food, or tea/coffee).
Give up a behaviour that has not been good for your image (anger, envy, gossiping etc)
A smoker or a drinker, can give up these habits for a month and gain back our self control. This will enable us to know that we can do more and be more.

Increase Awareness. We can be more observant and aware. The more we can observe successful people and how they go about their lives, the more ideas we get on what else we can do for ourselves. Each person we meet is either a blessing or a lesson. Lets not miss either of these. Lets increase our awareness and our openness to learn from everyone. Life is short, but it gives us myriad possibilities if only we care to look, hear and feel more.

Remember this:

When we decide to take a risk and explore new horizons, we discover new potential and new options.

All we need to do is to push ourselves out of our comfort zones and do wide range of unfamiliar activities. Each of us has immense potential, and all we need to do is to find it.

From today lets discover exciting new horizons!

All the best on the new journey.

Ian Faria.

Quantum Leap your Goals

2012-01-02T20:52:00.000-08:00

Success will come to each of us as a matter of normal course... doing what is good and what is right. Yes, there is no doubt that people who are reading this blog, will be those for whom survival is never in question. Yes! Each of us is blessed to have a computer, an internet connection, and a sound education. So why not choose the easy path? Why Compete? Why not just cruise along? Why don't we take life as it comes? Why worry about tomorrow? Huh?

Why????

Because ..... we were surely designed to BE MORE, and DO MORE!

Are you aware that the greatest challenge we ever faced was when we were just 1 cell? Yes... a single cell - called a sperm. Are we aware that we beat 400 million other sperms (our possible brothers/sisters) the day we were conceived? Why was it that you and I beat insurmountable odds and reached our destination FIRST? We can get spiritual and call it the cosmic Roll of the Dice... or we can follow the fatalists... and we can term it fate or Karma... we can even be matter of fact and say .... I Don't know why I was chosen!

or....

Or we could Stop, and Think... and ASK ourselves...

Why was I CHOSEN?

Why did I make it?

Who am I?

What is my PURPOSE on this planet?

After pondering these and many other similar questions, and helping people figure out their answers to the above questions, I am convinced that everything that happens... happens not by chance... It happens because it is part of a greater plan... that we need to understand... and the good news is it is easy enough to understand...

I believe that we are all here for a purpose...

We are here not just to survive... but to thrive.... not just to live.... but to Jive.

Now, you can avoid answering the above questions and continue your life as you did last year. But then... don't feel bad when you see the people around you grow in strength and stature. Don't crib about how unfair life has been to you, because you did not grab the opportunity that came your way. Don't even think... I wish I could go on that holiday... I wish I could buy my dream car... or dream house... or... I wish I knew more influential people.... I wish I could help the people around me... I wish I was a celebrity...

If wishes became reality.... ???

Hello!!!!

Wishes do become reality... for those who know the truth of the Law of Attraction and the Principles of Positivity...

Wishes do manifest... for those who take their life seriously, and identify and exploit their strengths...

Wishes do materialise... for those who make a proper plan... and follow it with zest.

The best way to do this is to ....

TAKE A DECISION.... MAKE A PLAN.... WORK THE PLAN!

Are you ready to ROCK this YEAR???

Some of us will... and this year will not just be a Leap Year...

It will be a ....

A QUANTUM LEAP YEAR!

I wish you MORE!

Ian Faria.

Happy New Life

2012-01-01T15:09:00.000-08:00

As each year rolls in, we make new resolutions, and start working on these with gusto. However, by the end of January, most of our lives generally slip back to the 'normal' status, and the New Year becomes - just another year. Lets not get carried away by naysayers.

Are you ready to take charge of your life?

Lets change things. Lets make up our minds that what we do in the first 31 days of this Leap Year, will not only solidify our Resolutions, but it will also CHANGE our LIVES!

Lets look forward to the start of next year (and I assure you that the world will NOT end this year - yes, you can quote me on this) when we can all look back at what would be the BEST YEAR of our LIVES!

No time to waste.

Lets make a Quantum Leap!

1. Access Awesome Abilities.

What abilities do you have that differentiates you from everyone else in your circle of influence. You do not have to be the best in the world. While that is a noble cause, it is not essential to compete with the rest of the world ( at least, not just yet). To be awesome we need to access our key abilities, and hone and perfect them, till they become us... and they give us our unique identity. Let the new identity become our personal/professional brand. Our USP (Unique selling proposition).

2. Better Be BEST.

No one remembers who was the 2nd person to fly an airplane. - yet, we remember the Wright Brothers. We do not know/care who was the second person to run the mile in under 4 minutes, but we remember Roger Bannister. Similarly, we will remember who was first to do something. My daughter Nicole Faria is the first Indian woman to win the Miss Earth Crown in 2010. What can you do to be the best, or the most recent to achieve something that was not done before - using your current talents/abilities. It is not essential to win a world title, but it is important that you are recognized, and sought after in your sphere of influence. In case you have an ability that is not yet the best, then approach a coach to help you fine tune your ability, so you can be better, before you can be the best.

3. Choices Change Courses.

Do not be afraid to change tracks. We live in an option filled world. As Denis Waitley says, in his bestseller Empires of the Mind, we could go through 3 to 4 career changes in our lifetime. If what you are doing is not achieving at least two of the following choices for you, then you need to change it.

Are you earning as much as you want/need?
Are you really happy doing what you are doing?
Would you do well in this sphere in future, say, two years from now?
Are you adding value to your community or your country?
Is what you are doing improving your personal/professional profile?
Will what you are doing create a legacy for you?

4. Decisions Determine Destiny.

Take a decision TODAY. Tomorrow is too late. The year 2012 has already started, and we are well into the new year. The time to start is now... Since our decisions determine destiny, lets make the decisions that will take us higher. All great performers know that their hard work, practice and persistence enabled them to develop their skills, and they became famous for it. Sachin Tendulkar, the 'god' of Indian Cricket had a great coach, and he practised in sunshine or in rain... he still diligently uses his net practice to help him perfect even the smallest flaw that he many notice. But he had to take decisions that let him to the top. Each time he needed to make a change that would alter his destiny... he had to DECIDE and follow that decision with commitment and zeal.

5. Excellence Enhances Enchantment

Once you have reached a level when you are known, appreciated and acknowledged, the biggest mistake is to sit on old laurels. No great achiever has ever kept his position at the top of the ladder of achievement, unless he continually pushed for higher standards and greater records. Make Excellence a Habit, and you will reap the benefits. Excellence is the start point for enchantment. A new winner is always waiting in the wings to be who we are, or even to surpass us. The only way we can be #1, is to continually break our own records.

Life is short, and none of us will live forever. But who stops us from living life beyond the visible horizon? Who continually sets the bar higher for us? The answer is obvious.

Let me wish you not just a Happy New Year... but rather, let me wish you ...

A HAPPIER NEW LIFE !

Ian Faria.

Be a GAME CHANGER !

2011-12-30T04:35:00.000-08:00

The year 2012 is already looking challenging. Predictionshave been made about the world coming to an end in 2010. Wikipedia even has aseparate article dedicated to what it calls the 2012 Phenomenon.

Why go through myriad doomsday scenarios, lets look at thepositive side of things. I predict that we will be on this planet for a long timeto come. We will celebrate 2013 ! Now imagine yourself at next year’s NEW YEAREVE PARTY (2013). At that stage, do we want to look back and feel bad that wecould have done more??? I hopeinstead you could have done more than you planned to. But...

What is your plan for 2012?

2012 is a Leap Year, and many great achievements haveoccurred in leap years. So, we could consider this an omen, but better still, wecould consider it an INVITATION - to make the year the most special one ever. Letslook differently at the game called life, and lets decide to be star playersfirst, and then we can become GAME CHANGERS too.

So what does it take to be a game changer?

I think we need to use new paradigms, and we need to developnew habits to make our world a better place. Doing what we did this year...will give us – more or less – what we got this year. If we are happy with that,then let’s not change. However, if we wantmore, then we need to do more!

Lets look at ways we can BE more and DO more, in 2012.

1. Look Ahead

Who will you be by the end of 2012? First - Who are you at the end of 2011?
How different do you want to be in a yearfrom now?
What gaps do you see in that process, andhow will you plug those gaps?

If we have to evolve, we should know what to discard, what to retain, and what do develop in the next few months.Remember identifying Who we are, and What we want are two ofthe most important things that we should know about ourselves.

2. Build Muscle

We must continually building our strengths and learning new skills. We spend a lot oftime trying to eliminate weakness. But alas, once we learn something, it isnormally difficult to unlearn it. The trick here is to forget about theweakness, and instead work on enhancing your strength/s. Working your strengths to higher levels, orgaining complimentary skills should serve us well as we progress on the successhighway.

3. Expand Consciousness

Awareness is one of our key attributes. Wecan benefit just by being present to what we are doing and saying. Life is evenmore exciting when we are aware of how people are reacting to us. We can alterour conversations accordingly, and by doing so, we can maintain betterrelationships. Misunderstandings cause enough damage in relationships. Beingaware of how we are affecting others, reduces the risk of misunderstandings.

4. Clarify – Don’t Jump to conclusions

One of the biggest problems that most relationshipsface, is assuming the other person is like us. Remember, this is one of thebiggest mistakes we can make. Each of us is unique, and therefore people are NOT like us. They aredifferent. The moment we start to pay attention to people - what they say; whatthey want; what they mean.... we begin to understand a bit of who they really are,and what they are really saying. Make it your favourite pastime, to UNDERSTANDPeople and you will reap rich dividends. The best way to do this is not tounderstand just the meaning and the semantics of the words that are spoken, butrather... try to understand what isreally being said. Read between and beyond the lines. Asking questions willbring further clarity. When in doubt, Ask! Even when you think you are sure ...Ask anyway!

5. Prioritize

We spend so muchtime analyzing a cricket match that we have absolutely no control over, and weeven have a plan on how the team of our choice should play the game. Yet, we donot take too long to decide what is really important for playing the mostimportant game of all – THE GAME OF LIFE. When was the last time you made alist of priorities? What are the skills, activities and goals, that have madeit to your list of TOP PRIORITIES for 2012? What timeframe have you allocatedfor each goal? Who are the leaders/mentors you have identified that can guideyou along your chosen path?

6. Whatdifference will you make?

An undying legacy,is not built on how much money we have in the bank, or how many homes we own.It is built on:

How many people’slives have we meaningfully touched?
How many peoplehave we enhanced in some way?
How many leadershave we created?

The primary purposeof life is - To live to the fullest.

The higher purposeof life is to inspire others - To live to the fullest.

I wish your life expands as yougrow to the extent you desire, and hopefully you will reach beyond what theuniverse expects of you.

Happy New Year!

Happy Life!

Ian Faria.

Relationship Changes

2011-12-20T13:19:00.000-08:00

Is there a secret to a life long relationship?

Yes, there is... and it is called continuous change.

We do not need to change, but sometimes we have to.

We Have to change....when we....

Cannot bear the pain anymore!
Realize that ... NOT changing will only make things worse.
Pro-actively know ... that we could be happier if we made some necessary changes.

So the decision point is determined by pain or pleasure.Pain is the stick, and Pleasure is the carrot. Both work, depending on how weuse them.

Lets look at pain first. If the pain is bearable, then workout a solution that will ease or remove the pain. Expecting that things maychange on their own is an option. But, what if the pain gets worse?

Lets take an example here. A married couple has haddifferences of opinion for most of the 12 years they have been married, and thesituation is NOT improving. In fact, it is deteriorating. Should the couple call a truce, and move on with their lives? Or should they think This is one of the challenges of life, and we should justget used to it. Or, should they just decide to call off the relationship? The answer is of course more complicated than it seems. However,there are some simple techniques that can be applied that will help tounderstand and resolve the issue:

Haveall the obvious solutions been tried?
Hasthe couple made the effort to understand - what is right from one viewpoint, could be entirely wrong from the other viewpoint ?
Whatwould each consider a ‘viable solution'?
Havethey tried seeking advice from someone in the family, or a close friend - who could be trusted by both ofthem?
Isthere another alternative that says – It is neither your way, nor my way, but abetter way, the Higher Way... that Stephen Covey Calls.... The 3rd Alternative.
Hascounselling been explored? Trivialreasons keep couples numbed to taking any action, So, they either suffer insilence, or they insult each other, or they fight behind closed doors. Thismarriage may look hunky dory on the outside, but it messes up things for theothers in the family – specially the kids.
A simple solution can be worked out by a counsellor who is moreexperienced and has a good track record. Unfortunately, most men (specially in conservativecountries like India) think that they donot need another man telling them what to do. Most times, counsellors have towork magic, based only on the woman taking the counselling seriously, andmaking the necessary changes. Interestingly, this is an option that works, eventhough the solution is worked only by the lady of the house.

In closing, let me state that life is really too short tohold on to old, played out stereotypes and cause more Stress to the Relationship. The time has come to consider somethingnew and innovative. The 3^rd Alternative is a fabulous concept thatensures that the outcome is a Win-Win for both the parties.

Life moves on, and so should we. Lets live lighter,and do more for the world, starting from the world closest to us – the world wecall Family.

Why wait till we HAVE TO change? Why not change when it iseasy? Why not change because - it is easiest to change... when WE WANT toCHANGE?

Ian Faria.

X Factor for Speakers

2011-12-17T10:42:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone,

Here is an article I wrote on the finer points of communicating.

Do read and feel free to let me know what you felt about it.

http://www.businessgyan.com/b/x_factor_speakers

All the best,

Ian.

Creating a Group for Game Changers

2011-12-11T10:23:00.001-08:00

One of the happiest things we can do, is to connect with other people who make us happy.

Now imagine that we could be a part of a group, where we felt totally at home, right from our first meeting. Imagine that the group was a place where we could trust every member, and we could grow - personally and professionally. What if that group was so nice, that we would be able to make personal friendships, and where the camaraderie drew us to meet the other members at least once a week? And, even if we really needed some help or support on a personal level, we would be comfortable to call up one of the members, and they would be happy to be able to be of some assistance. Such a group may sound too good to be true, but the mind desires, and the heart hopes that this could be possible.

Now, I have for as long as I can remember, been part of groups, organizations and associations where I have thrived. But yet, I was always looking for a group that could help me grow, and where every member was my personal friend. My quest has led me to a number of different organizations - Round Table, Rotary, Toastmasters and many local groups too. But each of these groups had some of the things I wanted, but not everything. Let me explain:

1. In Round Table, I was able to link up with people who were reasonably young, and this group was focused on doing social service using Fellowship as the foundation. It is a great group for people who are under 40 years of age, who want to meet twice a month. It is also a great place to meet nice people.

2. Rotary is more serious in nature, and as an International Organization it has a really solid reputation for Service. Some of the best projects to help the less fortunate are carried out by Rotary. What I liked about the organization is its reach across the globe, and it even has a lot of opportunity to twin (connect and collaborate) with similar clubs across the world, and the matching grants programme is great... where the home club puts in an amount for charity or a project, and the twinning club matches or even gives a higher amount from their side.

3. Toastmasters was for me an organization where I joined when there were only 3 clubs in India, but unfortunately the clubs were break away clubs, so there was no communication between the clubs. Naturally, it took a ton of effort to get the clubs together, and to build more clubs so that we could form the first District for Toastmasters in India. It was an uphill task, but since it was going to help people grow their public speaking capability, I thought it would be worth the sacrifice to get this across India. What I liked about Toastmasters was that it had great manuals and it too had an international appeal. I was proud to be honoured by Toastmasters International by receiving the award called the Presidential Citation from the International President, Dr. Dilip Abayasekara, in the year 2006.

From the above organizations I learnt a lot, and from each I grew in some way. After playing lead roles in each of these... in some form or other, I thought it was time to take the learning from each of these, and see if I could add the missing pieces of the puzzle to complete each of these. I also thought it would be great if I could add some of the learning I had picked up from over 15 years of training/coaching in Soft Skills across India. It would surely be possible to form a new, dynamic organization that would be able to be all that I had spoken about in the opening paragraph of this blog... and form an organization that would enable, empower, enhance people from all walks of life, to BE MORE and DO MORE.

Thus was born the GCF. We had originally named it the Global Citizen Forum as its basic tenet was to enhance its members to the extent that they could succeed anywhere on the planet. More recently, we have seen people improving rapidly, and getting tangible, obvious change in their lives. The members have noted these changes in awe, and have now started looking at the GCF as the Game Changers' Forum. Here people develop themselves through in a peer to peer manner in the areas of Public Speaking, Interpersonal Communication and Leadership. They indulge in Group Discussions, Enhancements are effected through open feedback such that a member can know and realize how the other members see them. The feedback is open, and appreciated, since the trust level is so high, and the will to enhance each other is so powerful that there is total acceptance of the opinions expressed. This group is so special and unique that members even feel they are in a utopian world. In a country where corruption, doubt and communal disharmony rears its ugly head every now and then, the GCF is an organization that is an oasis of Positive Energy and Enablement.

We have already started 4 Forums in various parts of Bangalore - Museum Road, Jayanagar 5th Block, Indiranagar 16 E Main Road, Malleshwaram 7th Cross, Basavangudi, and launching on Monday, 12th December at Kamanahalli. This is an organization where learning is natural, and growth is part of the DNA... so if you are looking for a place to grow yourself, where you can be happy and positive, do get in touch with us. We are also starting two Corporate Forums soon.

We do not expect you to believe this blog, but would it hurt to talk to some of the members are find out... or why not just drop in to one of our meetings and check it out for yourself.

Check out the website:

You could contact us by responding to this blog, mailing me or call me at +91 96200 20000.

All the best, and lets connect... and build a better world.

Ian.

THE POWER OF A GROUP

2011-10-26T14:47:00.001-07:00

The human mind is hardwired to connect with others. SocialNetworking Sites prove that we are drawn towards interpersonal connections likea moth is drawn to the light. There is joy in working together. There is also considerablepower in it. Sadly, in a world that is well connected technologically, we are disconnectedinterpersonally. People feel alone, and lonely. This anomaly causes jealousy,envy, mistrust, cynicism, and sometimes even leads to depression. People feel hopeless.Suicides are on the rise, and in burgeoning population, a few deaths seem to goun-noticed. Is this apathy a downside of a stress-ridden world? Do we have achoice? Is there a plus side to this challenge?

Can anything be done ?

Yes! We can do A LOT!!

My involvement with different social service groups, hastaught me that people working together generate a collaborative power that is considerablymore than the sum of the powers, of the individuals in that group. What generatesthe additional power?

· Is it the feel good factor of working with likeminded people?
· Are we more safe when we do things with others, as opposed to doing italone?
· Do different individual energies enhance eachother like ingredients in a tasty dish?
· Do we tend to take bigger risks, and henceachieve more?
· Do many hands make lighter work, and more minds offermultiple options?

Understanding what is working behind the scenes is not important. What's important is that it works. Lets just capitalize on the fact that Working together, works better.

How can we maximize thisphenomenon?

The most obvious answer is to use the collaborative,synergistic power of groups. Facebook, Twitter, Orkut, Linkedin are all greatexamples of groups, that are virtual. However this feel good factor istemporary and more surface oriented. We often do not know who we are dealingwith, and whether their intentions are genuine. So why take unnecessary risksand share information with unknown people? There are far better options in thereal world, if we know where to look and how to identify the right group.

Social service or self-help groups are a definite option. Rotary,Round Table, Jaycees, Toastmasters and the Global Citizen Forum, are groups that are viable. We can visitand check out which ones we can benefit from. Each of these groups has its ownthrust and forward momentum. Having beena part of these groups, I have learnt a lot about how they function. I havealso been fortunate to be part of numerous other groups, and have picked upvaluable learning from each.

What’s the best way to choosea group?

1. Know what you want. Do you want to .... improveyourself? Do social work? Network? Connect with like minded people? Look for a groupthat can offer you what you are looking for. The best way is to ask yourfriends and relatives. The next best thing is to use the internet to get moreinformation.

2. Visit a club or forum and see how it functions.Talk to the members and ascertain how people in the group have benefitted fromthe membership. How long have they been members? If the answers you get givesyou confidence that the group is worth joining, then read the next point.

3. What are your duties and rights as a member? Someforums have some minimum attendance or participation requirements that must be adheredto. Some expect you to do a certain amount of social work, or make financial orother contributions from time to time. Can you fulfil these?

4. Be aware too that some organizations create afavourable first impression but after joining you may realize that you reallydo not fit in. I normally advise people to attend a few meetings and thendecide whether to join or not.

Remember, a group is a great way to learn and do more in ashorter span of time. Most organizations know the value of collaboration. Whatmost organizations miss is a key fact that separates the average from theextraordinary. These two factors are RESPECT and VALUE. More about this in mynext article. Till then, enjoy your search for a membership that will enhancethe power of the social animal in you.

Ian Faria.

Collaborate against Corruption - Stand up and be counted.

2011-08-31T11:10:00.000-07:00

The recent movement against corruption, started by the self styled modern day Gandhi who is know as Anna Hazare is indeed a breath of fresh air against a stagnant, rotting political scenario in a country with a great a heritage. It is time for the common man to support the Jan Lokpal Bill. It is time for us, to stop suffering in silence to stand up and be counted. It is time for us to shed the fear of retaliation and revenge that is normally meted out by those in power.... be in the police stations across the country... or the political parties. It is shameful for us to hear from governments like the DMK and AIADMK that corruption is no longer an election issue. They try to buy votes by providing sops like TV sets, Laptops and what not... this is sickening. Where are the honest sincere political leaders gone? Well... we have Anna Hazare, who is ready to lay down his life and do what most of us fear ... to rise up against the sickening corruption in this great country. I think this is the turning point or the tipping point of political cleansing. It is the time for the rotten to stop plundering this country, and for the money that is stashed away in Swiss Banks to be brought back. We have been robbed by the politicians for too long. We have waited for 42 years for the bill to pass... and successive governments including the Congress, the JD, the BJP... and even the Left Front which is ready to oppose anything when they are in the opposition benches. But worst of all... people like you and me have sat on our butts... and not been counted. We have stood by and watched as mute spectators.

The big question is.... HAVEN'T WE HAD ENOUGH?

It is TIME to STAND UP... and BE COUNTED.

Vote... join the protests... lets get transparency in governance. Lets stop being pushed around... and stamped into the ground. Lets stand up... and be counted.

Indians... anywhere in the world... are you ready to CLEANSE INDIA?

Then write an article... create a poem... share this article if you like... but DO SOMETHING! If you don't, then step out of the way.... sit back and watch the rest of this country do what it has to do. But if something inside of you is wanting to throw up, because of the lackadaisical attitude of the past... then DO SOMETHING NOW! At least VOTE AGAINST CORRUPTION!

Ian Faria.

Developments on the Jan Lok Pal Bill.

Much is happening in the centre... smear campaigns, trust deficits, shadow boxing against the members of the Civil Society representatives. Interesting to follow the story. Here are some articles to keep you updated...

Articles on the Jan Lokpal Bill, and the followup of the action in Delhi.

1. Bangalore Fights against corruption.

2a. Anna Hazare's letter to the Prime Minsiter and Congress President.

2b. Congress President Sonia Gandhi's reply to Anna Hazare.

Beware the polarization, and work as one!

2011-08-22T11:09:00.000-07:00

The Country is at the crossroads. We all want to clean the country! The time is ripe. But, the sad part about the fight against Corruption is that it is dividing Civil Society. Aruna Roy and Arundhati have expressed themselves and this is exactly the issue that a lot of Indians are worried about. Here are some questions that we should think about:

1. Should the Lokpal Bill be introduced by breaking the law of the land? o
2. Why are the other groups not being brought into the discussion? Does only one group have the mandate of the entire nation?
3. Why the rush to pass it? An important bill that will affect generations should not be passed on a blackmail threat! Let's not make mistakes in the rush to do things. Better to be slow and right than to be fast and wrong! The constitution is sacrosanct! Let's not compromise things. We can and we must exercise restraint, while we keep ip the pressure on Parliament to get the BEST Lokpal Bill for India!
4. Almost every Indian wants to root out corruption, but do we not want to do it the right way?
5. For the first time in history we have people form all political parties publicly stating that they want to get corruption nailed! This on its own is monumental. Why don't we show the world that we can fight this menace as one nation?
6. To get this cancer cured we ALL need to work together, and without Egos! We need to put country first and work unitedly, otherwise we will be divided and scattered and fighting against our brothers. This is a time to think. This is a time to come together. This is a time to heal and cure this country! We need to get the best people at the table, and get the best law enacted. It does not matter who puts it forward, or who gets it's past. It matters that our country gets the best law, and we ONCE and FOR ALL get corruption killed!

But for all this to happen we must Think as one people!

Ian Faria

Lets Not untie! Let's UNITE!

Ian.

The fight against corruption continues

2011-08-17T13:16:00.000-07:00

The United Kingdom is plagued by unrest and discontentment, as violence and criminal behaviour reared its ugly head this week. What has rattled the normally prim and proper British? Contrast this with the Japanese who were struck by a Tsunami, and hit below the belt by Nature at its worst, yet the people of Japan kept their dignity, their respect for each other and they elegantly maintained the law of the land. With food and water reaching abysmally low levels, they did not resort to lawlessness and plundering. Contrary to the survival theories that might is right, and in extreme cases it will prevail, we saw something quite the opposite. They kept their values, and their etiquette. They joined queues to obtain scarce rations. Amid the desperation and the pain, the destruction and the despair, there was calm acceptance. There was helpfulness, and support. No panic. No anarchy. No nonsense. Dignity and Respect prevailed, and the Japanese showed the world, that they deserve to be saluted. They are the way they are, because they CHOOSE to BE that way.

In India, in our fight against corruption, some groups resort to fasts, sit down protests, and public marches. The media laps this up, and sensationalizes everything. TRP ratings seem to be their main agenda. People get glued to the TV. Some become armchair activists. Some become voyeurs of the civil war that is being fought on the battlefields of our metros. Some voice opinions on Facebook and Twitter. It is as though some of us are running the nation. Some may hope that their view could be considered in Parliament. An ailing Anna seems to think that in his last days he can save the nation. We salute him for his courage. He has, after all, given hope to millions who thought that Hope had died. A nation gets ready to back him as there is no other option visible. Then all of a sudden, a frail man seems to become dictator. He is buoyed by the support of young India. A few lakh votes on a website; A few thousand people carrying out peaceful protest rallies, and all of a sudden, power seems to be the most corruptive, destructive force, on the planet. Hold on Tsunami’s here comes the power of infallibility, spawned by the support that one could never have dreamed of when the first fast was dramatically launched. Super heavy weights in the form of Justice Hegde and Kiran Bedi ardently support the cause espoused by Anna and team. Some film stars come out in support. Some say that the cause they supported has turned ugly and now smacks of arrogance and pride. They back off. Politically, sides are re-considered. Battle lines are re-drawn.

While a part of the nation fights terrorism in public spaces in Mumbai (after the bomb attack there) we also have to deal with corruption. State Governments are showing that gargantuan scams are not just the prerogative of the government at the centre, but that, the states too can plunder us to the tune of thousands of crores. The fight against corruption ebbs and flows. Sometimes we seem to be winning the war. At other times we feel that nothing will change. We vacillate between the extremes of hope and despair, faith and doubt.

On the global level, we have to contend with a recession that is again waiting to envelop us. Amidst all of this, each of us has our own pulls and pressures as we strive to do more and achieve more. Keeping the positive energy alive and growing, is a challenge. Keeping the sanity is a means to survival, in a world that is cannibalizing itself. Yet somewhere deep inside each of us, there is a hope that we should cling to. We know that it is always darkest before the dawn, and ... we know... that this too... shall pass. Should we also think... what can we do to make it pass.... FASTER? Can our small steps taken on a day to day basis, slowly - but surely - cleanse the system? Can we think of a new way to keep the nation positive? Can some of us work together to become an organism that thrives on the fact that each of us rocks to a different circadian rhythm? So, logically, even though some of may be at the ebb, others in the group will surely be at the flow? Crazy times call for crazy steps. Lets not get so crazy that we forget to think, evaluate, re-evaluate... for there is a fine line between genius and insanity.... and a fine line between power and arrogance.

Ian Faria.

Tsunami Lessons: The recent Tsunami that hit Japan shocked and appa...

2011-06-29T04:36:00.000-07:00

Tsunami Lessons: The recent Tsunami that hit Japan shocked and appa...: "The recent Tsunami that hit Japan shocked and appalled us. Tragedy on this scale is always difficult to understand. Scientists will analyze ..."

2011-05-21T13:03:00.000-07:00

A great way to transform society.

Man is a social animal that needs to congregate, communicate, and collaborate in order to be what he was hard-coded to be. The excuse that some of us may hide behind is that we are the way we are because of our genetic coding. However, we now know from science about a new form of coding called Memetic Coding. The meme is considered more powerful than the gene, and is also referred to as the Idea Virus, since it spreads so fast.

Anna Hazare proved this theory when he motivated a nation to believe that Corruption could be combated through a dedicated, determined group even using the Mahatma’s philosophy of Non-violence. Today with three high profile Ministers in Jail, and a dozen corporate honchos keeping them company, the average Indian knows that corruption is no longer the unassailable demon, but it is another animal that can be transformed.

Speaking about animals and transformation, when it is possible for animals in the jungle to learn, and evolve, we should take courage from the fact, and see how we can transform ourselves. Here is a link that will show how the meme can work in a group of aggressive animals in the jungle who evolve socially into a group that can display higher social skills.

In Bangalore, we have a group of people who call themselves the Global Citizen Forum, are through a series of changes, moulding and shaping themselves into a sort of utopian society where positivity reigns, and people do their best to praise and applaud each other. The trust that is built up allows people who were practically paralyzed by the fear of Public Speaking to break age old shackles and become effective Public Speakers in the matter of three or four sessions. The change in confidence and the enthusiasm that is imbibed is something that has to be seen and experienced to be believed.

Is it possible to replicate this experiment? Yes, the Global Citizens Forum believes so, and this group is all set to break records as it multiplies itself through a small group of leaders who are determined to share this learning so that more can benefit. What will happen when this goes to the second level of growth There will be a geometric progression of hitherto unseen dimensions. That is the belief. That is the plan. It will take some doing, but the members of this forum do not have even an iota of a doubt that it can be achieved. If the miraculous changes witnessed through the transformation of its members is anything to go by, then this group will have no mountain too high to climb; no sea too wide to swim, no challenge too big to face. This is a group that is worth checking out. (They meet every Friday at 6.45 pm at the Catholic Club on Museum Road, Bangalore)

IAN FARIA.

Youth and Children - Confidence & Communication Skills

2011-04-20T05:23:00.001-07:00

As part of our ongoing effort to add value to our world, here is a confidence building and communication skills programme that we are conducting for the children.

Do pls pass this on to any youngster who may benefit.

Ian.

Leadership - Customized

2011-04-20T00:01:00.000-07:00

One of the most interesting question asked in my Leadership Workshops, is "Could you share something on Leadership Styles."

The question is a good one, if our intention is to study leadership on a theoretical level. It is irrelevant if we want to learn about how to Lead.

Let me explain....

Each of us has a set of skills, capabilities and talents, and each of us is therefore a different type of leader, as compared to someone else. What is essential to understand is that we must identify our strengths and use these to build ourselves, and simultaneously we can improve our leadership. For example, if I am a confident, outgoing personality, I should employ this attribute to reach out and talk to people, and share the vision of my group, or organization. If I am a quiet person who is more analytical, I should use this skill to share my observations with the group, and show people their blind spots, or their hidden strengths.

Using the metaphor of sport, a batsman may have an aggressive, explosive style... and he should use this to demolish and decimate the opposition. Just because he gets out sometimes in a few balls shouldn't make him change his style, because he then not going to use his strength. A player who takes time to warm up, should start slow and cautious, and build the innings in ones and twos... rather than in boundaries. His strength is to bat longer and keep one end of the batting solid. If he tries to start hitting out from the first ball, he may find himself in deep water.

The job of a leader is to first understand and exploit his best strengths and talents, and not try to copy or clone himself into someone else. Picking up a single attribute from each of the good leaders one knows is a great way forward. When we lead a diverse team, it is therefore essential that we identify each team members strengths, and we bring out the best in them. Do not try to make everyone into a clone of your personality.

The true mark of a leader is to identify the strengths of each member of the team, and assign to them the job that they can do best.

Success for a leader lies in knowing which job to assign to whom.

Happy Leading, and more success to you!

Ian Faria.

The Road to Success

2011-03-31T12:46:00.000-07:00

One of the questions I love to ask in my transformational training programmes is one borrowed from an old idea:

When is the last time you did something for the first time?

I believe if we continue to do what we have always done... then we will not make much progress. Sadly, we choose to stick to the known, as it is comfortable to do so. But, the real gains are on the Road less Traveled (Robert Frost, Scott M Peck). Let me explain this.

I find that the people who make really quick jumps up the success ladder, are the ones who have the following attributes: Confidence. Risk-taking capabilities. They know that even if they do not succeed in the activity... they will at least learn some lesson/s.

The people described above, are people who do New Things very often. They are the ones who Know they CAN.... and they Dare to Do.

Remember, if you do not do new things... you will be left standing as the world walks/runs past you. The dinosaur did not know how to innovate and evolve fast enough, and hence it positioned itself out in a rapidly changing world.

In a world that is fraught with constant changes, corporate tsunamis and business storms... those who can adapt instantly will easily survive any challenge. These people are quick to reap first mover advantage in a field that is strewn with a million opportunities.

One needn't change to survive, but one has to change to succeed.

Are you ready to change?

Ian Faria

Compete to be the best!

2011-03-27T11:56:00.000-07:00

Compete to be the best!

One of the nicest things about living beings, is that we are constantly evolving. As the most intelligent species on the planet, we know that we can collaborate, and evolve quicker, better. We could call this collaboration synergy.

However, the best way for us to progress quickly... is to COMPETE. I believe it is this ability to be better than others that enables us to succeed quicker. The Japanese have innovated and achieved so much - in such a short time, because of the principle ofKAIZEN or continuous improvement.

Mother nature has ample evidence of how competition is the heart of evolution. Whether we look at the process of natural selection, or even the theory of the survival of the fittest, every generation is in some way or the other - better, fitter, smarter than their predecessors. It is this process that moves us ahead as a species.

As a success coach, I know that when one person in a group improves, the others in the group also want to do better. I need to spot progress and praise it adequately so that the others too get inspired to follow suit. If someone is not able to compete in a particular attribute, it is amazing how they will stretch themselves to find another attribute to differentiate themselves. I then spot the resultant improvement, and praise it appropriately. This becomes a new benchmark for the group. The rest is easy. Every member of the group then WANTS TO IMPROVE, and they strive hard to find the ability that they can exploit to be the best that they can be. This is a win-win for the individual, and the group.

Leaders can employ this technique effectively to inspire any group to do their best. All the leader has to do, is to spot the best in the individuals, and validate it (through praise and/or reward) so that the others do not miss it. The meme thus generated ensures the evolution of the group psyche, and progress happens naturally.

In closing, let me state that competition is amply evident in nature. It is something that has brought the best out of our ancestors, and it will continue to bring the best out of us too. Lets not shy away from competition, Lets instead grab it with both hands. Remember, even though competition can be a double edged sword, man has evolved sufficiently to capitalize on its major benefits, without being pulled down by its minor deficits.

If you should decide that you are on top of your success pyramid, then you could still choose to compete with yourself... because today, you are a whole day older, smarter, and better than yesterday.

All the best!

Ian Faria.