Awareness - The Magic Mirror

In my last blog, I had discussed the simple, direct route to enhance partners through the CVS formula. Having reached synergy... we are surely at a better place to move ahead quicker. This is the Momentum phase... 

Technology Magic - Cybertecture Mirror

So, moving to the second part of how we can enhance partners – using the MGM forumla….
In this blog I will cover the first M ... 

M – Mirror

Mirror, mirror on the wall... who is the fairest, of us all? 
Those were the lines of a character in a nursery called Snow White... and that is the question she used to ask her Magic Mirror? 


What if we too could possess our own magic mirrors? Hmmmm..... Lets see if that is possible... 


We all know the value of a reflected image. A mirror shows us – how we appear to others. A good friend/partner can be a multidimensional 'mirror' - enabling us to see more of how other people see us. Symbolically, such a mirror could allow us to peep into our own beings. We  know how the nice people appear … and how the not so nice people appear. Logically, therefore, while we can be the mirror for our friends, we can surely use our friends as mirrors for us. However, there is another type of mirror which we have... that we can use on ourselves. It is called Awareness. 


Awareness is a mirror, where we imagine, or figure out ....how we, in our present state, would appear to others. 


If only we took the time to think more deeply about this. What can we deduce about our relationships? What can we see, that we have not focused on till now? For example, let us think about the people we are meeting today.... and lets figure out the answers to a few questions:

• What is the nature of these people ? 
• What would make us look weak to them ? 
• What would turn them away ? 
• What would impress them ?
• What are they expecting from us ? 
• How could we represent things to make it easy for them to understand us? 

Remember ...
We like people who Like us... and/or who are LIKE US. 


Looking at it from the other side.... It is logical to assume that other people would think in a similar way. So for them to like us... we have to be like them... and/or... we have to LIKE THEM. 


Just by looking at things from the other persons perspective, we can make our lives easier to live. We would connect better with people and ensure that they understand us more... and that we understand them better too. We could then make the necessary changes that will take us where we want to go through connecting and collaborating with others. Let us use the mirror as a tool to help ourselves and our relationships to grow.

Sincerely

Ian Faria. 


P.S. As an add value to the readers here... there is a technologically advanced Mirror which allows you to browse while you are looking at the mirror... Check out the Magic Mirror called the Cybetecture Mirror.  Do check out this video too... http://www.cybertecturemirror.com/main.php?id=home

Partner through Synergy

Man is not an island that stands alone in a desolate ocean. Man is a hub, connected to a network, and each person he is connected to becomes a node. Now note this - In a network that is intricately connected, each node impacts the network in some way or the other. The impact could be positive, neutral... or sometimes even negative. 

As we discussed in an earlier blog on Consolidating Networks, the negative nodes should be disconnected, lest they bring down the network. Positive nodes should be retained. The retained nodes are an intrinsic part of us, and the stronger these are... the stronger we become. How then could we improve at least the main nodes in our network?  We can do so by making them - a partner in our progress. 

Lets see how we can enhance our partners.

I have a simple, practical formula that works. Lets look at it in two parts:

Part 1 – CVS - Building Synergy

Part 2 – MGM - Driving Momentum

Part 1

C – Complete

A partner has tangible value in a relationship, when what he/she brings something to the relationship COMPLETES the other partner. For example in a man-woman relationship, the man normally brings FOCUS and DECISION MAKING skills as a man looks at things through a telephoto lens. A woman - sees the world through a wide-angle lens, and brings the BIG PICTURE into play. She also has the ability to multi task. A man is good at working from the head, whereas a woman is better at working from the heart.

In an office setting, one partner could bring technical capability whereas the other could offer finances and financial planning. Here each person brings a strength to the table that the other lacks and through this mutually beneficial arrangement, each one ‘completes’ the other. A coach and a coachee need the other to complete the process of coaching. No coach - no coachee… and vice versa. 

V – Value Add.

The best relationships add value over an above what is brought in the completeness phase. Each partner can build respect and acceptance by delivering more than was expected. Going beyond the call of duty, an employee adds more value than was put down in the KRA’s and  the rewards are increments and promotions. Love gets stronger when each does/gives more than the other needs. Adding value is … doing more than is required... doing more than the other could ask for. This grows the person adding value… and it uplifts the person receiving the added value. It creates WOW! In a relationship. When we add value... our value increases too. 

S – Synergy

This is the result of having done the C-V part well. It is something that the corporate world strives for. It is not a goal, It is a bonus given by the universe. It is an acknowledgement that things have gone well, and have reached a stage higher than was planned. It also creates a great big draw in the universe. Synergy is required to create a success story. Synergy is the starting point to create history.  Look around you.. it will be apparent that some people have done extremely well for themselves, and have created records that most people have not even dream of. These people through their will power and determination are able to attract the force multiplier called synergy from the universe. Synergy is when everything falls in place like the universe has underwritten the venture/project/goal. 

Take the case of my daughter, Nicole Faria who has done India proud by winning the MissEarth Title in the year 2010. In a country of 1.21 billion people, she has done something that other young Indian pageant hopefuls have not done in 12 years. This is really the result of synergy. But it started with her creating her path… and doing it well. She had to add value to the modeling assignments that came her way. She did things that were applauded and wowed. She gave her all to every assignment she undertook. In turn, she too was appreciated and acknowledged for her efforts within a short span of six months of starting on her plan. But she did not stop there. She continued pushing herself beyond her limits, and she got better and bigger results. She was even blessed to come across the teachers that she required… who were drawn to her… and helped her. Like Paulo Coehlo says… "When you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” 


Synergy is - the universe adding power to your equation.


Have fun using these principles, to build your relationships in a simple, practical way. In my next blog.. we will uncover more principles that you can utilize to add zing to your partnerships.  


Build Value... and Add Value.... and the universe will partner with you. 


Ian Faria. 

Less control - More Attraction

One of the toughest things in life is not to control the world… but to control oneself. We have gained control of our world through the devices we own…mobile phones, digital clocks, electronic diaries, air conditioners, microwave ovens… automatic cars, elevators… we control almost everything… EXCEPT our most powerful device… 

THE MIND. 

Today… in spite of wanting more control, our biggest challenges are:
1. How to stop controlling others.

2. How to stop others controlling us.

In this new series of blogs, I will discuss mind power  and how it control us. Lets also see how we can be more in control of ourselves. I will correspondingly cover how we should not try to control others, as this goes against basic universal principles of free flow and draw.   

Lets first understand the biggest remote control – NEED.

When others control us, it is primarily because they give us something we really need/desire.

Lets analyze the basic relationship - between parent and child.

A child needs love, food, clothing, education, toys, spending money, permission…  so parents  conveniently use the needs of the child to control the child. As the child grows, he realizes that many of the things he needed from his parents are things he can get for himself. The control aspect of the parent on the child correspondingly diminishes.

As he becomes an adolescent, the needs of the child shift from basic survival needs to higher needs as he knows he will get his food, fees, clothes etc. He therefore takes these as his birthright and he focuses on his new needs – acceptance from the peer group, relationship/s with the opposite sex, etc. He also realizes that since he can also do something for/in the home, his value  grows. As he gets bigger his strength/courage grows… fear factor diminishes and sometimes even tilts the other way. He knows he can change his approach from requesting/asking to negotiating and maybe even demanding. This is a stage for re-adjustments… the child is growing into an adult, and within him he knows that he has to break free of the parent/child control, if he has to establish his own individuality. This symbolic cutting of the mental umbilical cord needs to be done. But it is disconcerting for the parent, as it automatically brings in a new dimension into the relationship – adult-adult negotiation.

The young adult can use what he has to give (respect, helping out at home, coming back on time, studying hard)  to negotiate what he gets …. (fulfilment of needs). Here the process of balancing NEEDS with PRICE gets established.

Later in life, romance/marriage brings another dimension of this Need/Price equation into play.

Scene 1. Wife is not working.

Here, the husband can use money as a lever, to control things in the house. He decides what is bought – food, clothing, entertainment, gadgets etc…. and so he has almost full control over the home.

If the wife is smart, she can use what she has to give… love, respect, sex, or doing things for his family/parents to negotiate a little. In so doing, the wife restores some parity in the relationship. Maybe she can even get some gratitude as a bonus.

The really smart/shrewd wife knows that she can do the things she wants by making the hubby FEEL that he is in control, and still do what she wanted to do. Most wives are not so cunning, but they figure out pretty quickly that they have a commodity that the husband really needs, and she then uses this as a negotiating lever, and sometimes even as a negotiating weapon.

Scene 2. Wife is working. 

This situation calls for a different style of relationship, because the husband has limited negotiating power, and so he has to negotiate more and control less. This new relationship does not have a clear paradigm, and hence in the pushing and pulling, it is causing a lot of problems with marriages today. Neither party is willing to give in to the other, and so… it is often better to part ways and look for other options. The double income household is still being understood, and in the meantime, marriages will continue to feel tremors and aftershocks.

General Scene.

Husbands soon realize that while he may need sex, she surely needs communication, understanding and respect. So, if he feels he is getting short changed somewhere, he uses the newly discovered levers to restore ‘parity’ for himself. This normally starts a series of battles that many marriages constantly endure. The problems reach frightening proportions during mid life, as this is the time for maximum stress for both parties. This becomes a time riddled with trauma/tribulation and sometimes even worse.

Picture Perfect.

The ancient technique for gaining self control was to detach ourselves from our desires. But then again who wants to be an ascetic? Is there another, more practical path? 

YES THERE IS.... A Higher Way! 

The ideal relationships are those where what is given and what is gained… is not reduced to a transaction, but is understood from the context of the whole. Life is, after all, a series of meaningful interactions where understanding is the process, and redressing of needs becomes a joint goal. The best relationships are those where there is trust, and understanding, and where things are not bargained, but given freely – without counting the cost. This builds a healthy reservoir of respect (call this an emotional bank account which is best operated as a joint account which can be operated by either party). Here each does things for the other (makes a deposit) and can ask for something (make a withdrawal) and where neither is counting what is taken, nor what is given.

LOVE therefore is about not keeping score.

It is about giving/taking what one needs.

It is about respect/trust without doubts and counter checks. 

It is about knowing that the account will grow more… even when both withdraw freely.

Desires will be fulfilled and needs will be realized when the relationship is about how much we can do for the other… and not about what the other does for us.

This might seem a Utopian Fantasy… but believe me…

Magic happens when we give freely - without any expectations. 

Abundance manifests when we give n do more; we grow n be more.

Ian Faria. 

Consolidating Networks

While most of us on Social Networking Sites are happy to accept anyone with a half-decent profile, we will invariably find ourselves with too many 'friends' whom we don't really know. 

How many friends do we really require?  

Social Psychologists will tell us that we require about 150. I think the figure is closer to 500, and in the modern generation it is growing rapidly. However, the quality of relationships goes down, as the number of friends goes up. Hence... as quantity increases, quality decreases. Having delved into the psychology of success through the study of people, and their relationships, I find that people who make it in life normally do so through their own efforts, and use their friend circle as a social appreciation zone. They need friends - so that they can  brag to someone about their success. But.. 


What if the friends we have could be more than just a clapping fraternity? 
What if the friends we have could be trusted to keep our secrets... 
Would we like them to help us when we needed? 
What if we could work our network into a mutually beneficial community, where each person  is successful BECAUSE they are CONNECTED and MUTUALLY USEFUL to each other??? 


Can such a group really exist? 


Sure it can, provided : 


1. The group uses tried and tested principles and it follows natures spiritual laws. 
2. Everyone realizes that they will succeed through synergy when they work/stick together. 
3. Success is celebrated across the group, and so, it does not become a source of jealousy or envy. 
4. The objective of the group does not stop at Success for the Self, but it then goes on to a plan that is way bigger, than the self. 


Here are some simple principles that such a group would have to follow: 


1. CREATE a LIST of your real FRIENDS. (Cut out those that you really do not know). In this way, you can give quality time to each of your friends. Remember to call these friends on a weekly/biweekly basis. 


2. ADD FRIENDS only when you know them pretty well. Look for friends who you have not connected for years. Check out which friends you would like to reconnect with, or whom you would really like to associate with. 


3. DELETE the people - who cause negative energy in your life. These people may not think they are your enemies, but if they lower your energy, by putting you down; making vicious fun of you. Remember to cut out even people who do Not respect you or your other connections. You will lose, if you still retain them on your friend list. 


4. CUT OUT PEOPLE who do NOT add value to you, but only drain you. When you bring  value to the table, it is only right to expect more reciprocity from the people around you. The worst friend to have is someone who is parasitic, and who just takes value from you, but does not consciously ADD VALUE to you. 

• In your first stage of your growth ... you will need to grow your POWER Profile. 
• In the second stage... you need to grow others. 
• In the third stage, you need to help others to grow others. 

The more your network expands on the new circles of influence, the bigger your stature, and the more you can achieve.  


5. In closing, let me request ALL of you... to FOCUS on your networks, and gain as much value through your network as you can. In the ultimate analysis...It is the value we create, which becomes the legacy we leave behind. This value will help to manifest some of the goals we have envisioned. All that is left for us to do,  is to follow this vision persistently, and meticulously.  




Ian Faria 

INDIA Shining

Can India really SHINE?


Can we play a part in creating that shine?


Well maybe somebody should have stopped Mahatma Gandhi... when he thought he could get freedom for each and every Indian? 


Why did his friends not STOP HIM...? After all,  there was no sense  in the plan... nor was there any force behind him. In fact, the weak frail lawyer was, at that time, not even  known to his own community. How could such a man...  a coloured (Indian) without a proper plan...  even HOPE...  to take on the might of the BRITISH GOVERNMENT? Don't you think that Gandhiji knew in his heart, that he would either do something to correct the wrongs of the British Empire... or at least he would die espousing his cause to get freedom for every Indian. 


Luckily, the great man we now call the MAHATMA was not one who played by the rules... at least till then. 


Now that we know what happened.. the struggle for independence... the bloodshed... the anguish... the pain ... the trauma... are we not happy and grateful that we HAVE OUR FREEDOM ? 


Thanks to each of  those great souls... who fought on our behalves.  If we were there with Gandhiji, at the time of the freedom struggle, Would we back him up... ?


WOULD WE HAVE DONE SO? 


I think not. But then again... maybe the stakes were too high... and the risk factors were not yet mitigated. So it would have been ok if we did not decide to jump on the bandwagon. 


So now... if we do something that was a lot easier... and without that much risk... 


 What are we ready to do for our great country?


Before I answer that question, lets get back to the present.... 


Could we do something TODAY... to add value to the advantage that our great leader M K Gandhi got for you and me? What could we do TODAY... that would be worthy...?


Here are some things we can do  


1. Give  50% of our income back to the government... or at least pay our taxes. 


2. Fund the education of one child every year, right upto the time the child gets a degree. 


3. Cast our vote at every single election. We are citizens who should exercise our franchise. 


4. Look for good in our country and add some goodness to it. Lets at least stop cribbing about the negative we see around us. 


5. Write to News Channels and News papers and ask for them to cover more positive events, along with all the scams and frauds, that they spend so much time sensationalizing. 


6. Start a Success Group by getting a group of like minded people together and each one doing their bit to keep the attitude of the group positive and buoyant. This will ensure that the chances for success are greatly increased. 


7. Join a Self Help Group who are already adding value to each other. I have already been instrumental in starting 6 such forums - the Game Changers Forum - in different parts of Bangalore. These forums enable people to be more positive and confident, and to speak better. In the meantime it adds a lot of positivity to the members and to their families too. 


The question that remains is.... what are you doing for your country? What are you doing for your community? What are you doing for your family? Even if we do something for someone, we are in some way doing something for India. 


We have all been given a lifetime pass to be the best we can, so lets do what we can do to Make a Difference. 


I am doing my part... 
(see the groups below... and join them if you would like to) 


What about you?




Ian Faria. 


Groups you could join... to do your bit for yourself and for INDIA. 

• ONLY MY QUOTES... on Facebook for creating your own quotations. 
• Academy PEP to learn and share positivity and learning. 
• Win India to celebrate India and it diversity, unity and progress
• PEPpy Living to remain positive in a world that is negative. 

Relationship Rewards

After discussing  Killer Relationships in my last blog, are we ready to explore whether ...   


Relationships can really be rewarding ?


Yes they CAN!


Here are some relationships that can be 


1. Commensalism
This is the simplest form of benefit. Unfortunately, here only one party benefits. The other party does not benefit, nor is it hurt in any way. For example when grass eating animals forage, insects get disturbed and birds close by benefit from more available food. Here, the animal that is grazing is doing what it normally does, and the bird gets a indirect advantage from it. In life too, there are some people who enter an organization only looking at what they can get out of it. These people get away without giving any reciprocal benefit to others. When and if things get too uncomfortable for them, they move on, and start all over again in another new organization. If you meet such a person, just know that you will not be able to get any reciprocal advantage from them. 


2. Mutualism. 
In this sort of relationship, both parties to the relationship have a mutual benefit from the other. An employer/employee relationship ... a partnership ... or even a couple can benefit from a mutual benefit that accrues to both the parties. Mutual benefit relationships are good, and are normally long lasting. Friends too operate from this sphere of mutual benefit. 


3. Synergy. 
When a relationship is of this nature, the parties involved get more than the sum of the advantages brought to the table. Here, everyone gains a lot more than they bargained for, and this value add is really superb for all concerned. In life, there is no better relationship than a synergistic relationship. In organizations, at home, or in a a community when the parties that are collaborating realize the power in such a relationship, everyone gains immensely. The companies that treat their employees well; give them stock options - are the organizations that thrive for many years. Couples that employ the system of synergy, always outshine even the companies where mutuality is the operating principle. 


Look around you. Which are the relationships that have been looking solid for the last few months/years? These organizations must be doing something right. Yes. they employ the principle of Synergistic Relationships. 


All in all, the relationships we enjoy can make us or break us. They can shatter us, or make us whole again. 


What types of relationships are you in? 


How will you make these relationships move to synergy?


I wish you all the very best in your relationships. 


Sincerely, 




Ian Faria. 

Killer Relationships

How much can the people close to you influence your life? 

Dusk or Dawn ? Life is Up and Down. 

A LOT! 

How do we understand these influences? 


To what extent do they affect our lives? 

Lets first look at the different types of relationships we have. Broadly, we can place them under three categories. Bad, OK... and Good. 


In this blog, I will address the BAD ones, and in my next blog, I will address the OK and GOOD ones. 


BAD RELATIONSHIPS. 


The worst type of Relationship is the one that will kill you: 

Parasitic  

These are the ones that drain you and are one way in nature. In such a relationship the parasite draws sustenance from the host, and only causes harm. NO BENEFIT accrues... but surely there will be a downside in the form of some irritation or depletion of your resources. Many of us have such a relationship, and the reason why we find ourselves unable to break away from them, is either because we feel committed/responsible to such a relationship and think that the other person will not be able to take the separation, or because we are emotionally controlled by the parasitic person. 


The simple truth is ... either the relationship should be improved, or it should be cut off. Hoping it will change is the worst strategy. Hope without a plan, is as good as expecting the vulture following you will soon become a talking parrot that will motivate and guide you on how to survive the killer conditions of the desert.  

Toxic 

These relationships are like poison that will kill you in some way. Any relationship that causes you to be fearful, panicky, constantly on edge, or basically one that takes your energy away ... is toxic. Sometimes the damage is done because of temper outbursts, or constant threats, or accusations, or mistrust, or even incessant nagging. Negative energy is more persistent and can wear you down quickly. Extreme positivity can be your protective armour, that will keep you safe. In addition, join a support group, or create a group of positive friends who can be there for you to top up your positivity.   


Corrosive
Some negative forces are subtle and not so easy to detect. These will not do any visible harm in the short term, but over time they will eat into us. Cold wars, snide remarks, undercurrents... all add up to negative energy that can corrode us. The unresolved issues in the mind, or collecting baggage over a few years... makes a person resentful. Interestingly, this force is easy to counter, since it is not an onslaught but a trickle. The person experiencing this negativity has to just understand it, and resolve to counter it. Each of us has a huge amount of untapped power to tackle handle our situations. 


Just like a Teflon coating, positivity can protect us from harm. 


The 3 relationships described above should be dealt with at the earliest. They should either be repaired... as a first choice, or... if this is not possible, they should be terminated. 


Better to cut off an incurable cancer, than to die trying to live with it. 


Obligate 
An Obligate Relationship in one in which each of the parties to the relationship needs the other for survival. It is a positive relationship in the early stages. However, when the dependence grows so severe that one person cannot live without the other, the relationship becomes stifling and constrictive. So while it may initially seem the perfect relationship, in the long run, both the parties compromise their own individuality, and become inextricably interdependent. For couples who have lived together for long, when one dies... the other will die too, or live very miserably. 


The good news is - this relationship can be worked upon and corrected through conscious choice. Giving each other space. Participating in activities according to individual likes... etc.. are ways to break the chain of dependence. 


Become interdependent because you WANT TO rather than because you HAVE TO. 


Interdependence based on choice is good. 
Interdependence based on mutual survival is a killer.   


Our relationships shape and control our lives. Lets do what we can to understand them, and to make them beneficial in a mutual way. More about the positive relationships in my next blog. Do follow this blog, to get the next article. 


In the meantime, I wish you freedom from the negative, while you prepare yourself for the positive.   


Be PEPpy n Happy. 


Ian Faria.